On a somewhat lighter note, Worrall writes that former NFL running back Travis Henry recently tried, unsuccessfully, to have his child support lowered from $3000 a month for his four-year old son. But that’s the least of Travis’ child support problems – he has eight other children by eight other mothers. Henry owes about $170,000 a year in child support. Plus he’s broke, or so he says.
But would you believe that all these child support problems really aren’t his fault? According to The New York Times:
“I did use protection at first,” [Henry] said. “Then they’d be saying they’d be on the pill. I was an idiot to trust them….
In four instances, he attested, “I was trapped.”
But love is in the air, again, for the 30-year old Henry: His fiancee is waiting for him in Denver, where he used to play for the Broncos. And, as the Times cheerily reports:
One other subject they agree on: Neither wants children.
For those who don’t know about this sad story, Rihanna is a beautiful, talented singer from Barbados, and the first Barbardian to ever win a Grammy award.
On February 8th, the night of this year’s Grammys – the biggest night in music – she was brutally beaten, apparently by her boyfriend, soul singer Chris Brown, apparently after an argument about another woman. Rihanna went to the hospital instead of the Grammys. 12 days later, she celebrated her 21st birthday in private, her birthday party having been canceled on account of her still visible bruises.
Enter the New York Daily News. As reported by Jason Linkins in the Huffington Post, the Daily News gossip column reported that Chris Brown had started taking anger management classes even though he “doesn’t actually have to go by law,” then rued that:
It tarnished Brown’s good-guy image so badly that several of his endorsement deals were suspended, including commercials for Wrigley’s gum and the Milk Mustache campaign. Brown’s songs have also been temporarily taken off the air at a handful of radio stations.
Even corporate America sometimes gets it right, huh? Then, less we forget who the real culprit is here, the News continues:
But insiders are rumbling that Chris shouldn’t be taking the anger management classes alone. “Rihanna is temperamental, too,” says our snitch. “They’re both too hot-headed for their own good.” Adds another source: “It didn’t help that Rihanna grabbed the keys out of his rented Lamborghini and threw them down the street. She knew it would really infuriate Chris, and it worked.”
It’s hard to express just how horrifying this anonymously sourced prattle is, or how dangerous, given the evolving views of teenagers towards domestic violence. Is this what the Daily News thinks she deserved for throwing car keys onto the street?
According to tmz.com, this photo, taken the day of the attack, is “mild compared to other photos … additional pics were taken on February 9, the day after the attack, and they are far more gruesome — the bruises and swelling far more pronounced.” Wow. The TMZ story goes on:
LAPD cops interviewed Rihanna after the attack and she told them Brown had been violent toward her in the past and that the attacks were getting “more violent” as time went on.
The other sad part of this story is the reminder that this cycle of violence is part of a still larger, more destructive cycle. As Contactmusic.com reported in 2007, Chris Brown, perhaps prophetically, said:
I don’t want to mention the person’s name – it wasn’t my real father – but somebody hurt my mom and me, I had to deal with that from seven all the way to 13. It affected me, especially (my behaviour) towards women – I treat them differently. I don’t want to put a woman through the same thing that person put my mom through.
I was scared and timid when I was little. I used to pee in my bed … I think it was me being nervous, and scared to get up (out of bed) and see what was going on.
Chris Brown is just 19, and we should hope that he has insight and strength to break out of this destructive cycle, instead of passing it on as an unintended legacy to his own offspring. Let’s not write him off just yet. But in the mean time, it’s troubling to hear the rumors that he and Rihanna are reconciling. Like or it, in our society Rihanna is an inevitable role model for young women.
It’s uncanny how “I just want my freedom” can slowly morph into “I just want to be treated fairly,” then “I can’t let him/her take advantage of me” till one day you’re telling your lawyer to write a letter to your ex’s lawyer over an old couch.
Decoupling from a marriage or long-term relationship is a tough, emotional process, and it can be incredibly hard to stay focused. Most people at some point in the process see themselves feeling pettier than they had ever thought they would. Part of hiring an experienced lawyer is not just having a hired gun but having an experienced guide to help you choose reasonable goals and stick to them. This is particularly important if your ex’s attorney is eager to run up the bill by fighting over every little thing.
There are going to be things worth fighting over – houses, pensions, spousal maintenance, parenting plans. If your ex is determined to be unreasonable, this may mean going to court. And if you do go to court, you might as well play to win.
The trick is to work with your attorney to ensure that your hard-earned money is well spent on things that really matter to you. Choosing your fights, and letting go of the smaller stuff is often difficult, but it’s a big part of the process of getting on with your life. One reason people tend to over-value things like furniture is that it becomes an unfortunate metaphor for the larger personal investment that didn’t rise in value as they might have hoped. Gaining perspective on this is critical to getting through the process in one piece.
Personal property is rarely worth paying your lawyer to fight over on an item by item basis. I usually recommend (in cases without domestic violence) that my clients try to agree with their ex, without attorneys, on splitting the tangible personal property such as televisions, computers, furniture, books, CD’s, DVD’s, kitchen utensils, garden tools, etc. This not only saves money, but can often be a means of working towards closure for both parties.
If this kind of agreement is impractical, I suggest that my client make a spreadsheet with a proposed split of furniture and other personal property, listing each item at garage sale prices (not replacement prices). This way the items can at least be negotiated in a more efficient way between counsel. We often hit a point of diminishing returns, however. It may not feel fair to let your ex have the couch, even if it is old and a bit worn. But it usually makes more sense than paying me to fight over it.
Some people, sadly, insist on being petty to the end. I have had clients move into the family home at the end of a relatively peaceful negotiated settlement between attorneys, only to find that their ex had removed everything that wasn’t nailed down, even the light bulbs from the sockets. I remind my clients that while light bulbs are relatively inexpensive to replace, the person who did this has to live with what they’ve done, and how they’ve acted.
In the end, remember: The best revenge is to live well. You can always buy a new couch.
Last year’s King County budget cuts came fairly close to axing both Family Court Services and Drug Court.
But it could be worse. A lot worse.
A cash-strapped county in Ohio has apparently solved its paper shortage by refusing to take all new cases – unless you bring your own sheets of paper. According to the Columbus Dispatch,
“We are going to do our job, and if we make arrests or issue citations, we’re taking them to the court,” [Sherriff Steven R.] Brenneman said. “Whether the court accepts them, I guess that’s something they’re going to have to deal with.”
Reuters reports that a divorcing man in Sonnenberg, Germany apparently took his divorce settlement into his own hands when he chainsawed his summer house in half. He then took his half of the home away on a forklift truck.
Not to be outdone, Cambodian Moeun Sarim sawed his rural primary residence in half and then he and his family carted the debris away to his parent’s house. His wife, Vat Navy, added philosophically, “Very strange, but this is what my husband wanted.”
Be very careful about what you think your ex doesn’t know
One classic mistake that splitting couples often make is to assume that their spouse or partner doesn’t know about a girlfriend/boyfriend, a bank account, a credit card, a drug habit, etc. My experience is that clients typically and systematically underestimate what their partners know – even in relatively long-term relationships of 10 or 20 years.
Three reasons why it isn’t obvious what your partner has figured out:
People often don’t discuss unpleasant subjects if they don’t have to, especially if they feel they can’t do anything about it – but it doesn’t mean that partners don’t notice.
As relationships start breaking down, otherwise unsuspecting partners start paying attention. When trust is gone, trusting people often start snooping.
The longer you are together, the more common friends you have, and the more family members tend to know you both. People talk.
What to do about it when you don’t know if they know
The first goal is to not be surprised about the kinds of accusations that might show up in a motion or request for information from your partner’s attorney. The second goal is to start minimizing the potential damage ASAP. For example, if you expect a custody fight, now might be the best time ever to stop drinking, gambling, etc. This is tough, kind of by definition, because your stress level is probably higher than when you picked up that bad habit. But it’s better to take control of such habits on your own than to have it forced upon you by a Judge. There’s no better time to be start being cautious….
Julie Shapiro is a Seattle University Law Professor who writes like a human being. In her blog, Related Topics, she discusses issues around the nation, including, for example, the proposed ban against adoptions by unwed couples in Kentucky and anti-fertility drug legislation in Georgia (in reaction to the recent Octuplet outrage).
This week Professor Shapiro discusses how marriage creates a presumption of fatherhood:
Here’s the story: A woman is getting married. She is pregnant. The baby is (as she puts it) “not the groom’s.” He knows this, as do all their close friends and family. The concern expressed … is what and how to tell others about the parentage of the child.
Now, I’ll admit that my first question is … why on earth one would feel compelled to tell anyone anything. The answer to this seems to be that the bride is afraid that people will make assumptions; that is, people will assume the the groom is the father of the child.
Well, here’s the beauty of the law: the groom actually is the father, or will be once the child is born. [Washington law presumes that the husband is the father of the child, whether biologically true or not.] Isn’t that tidy? There’s no need to say anything because there is actually nothing to say. The child’s parents will be just who everyone at that wedding will think they are.
Professor Shapiro’s wide-ranging blog is more pensive than practical. As she explains:
I hope to create a forum for intelligent and sustained discussion of some of the more compelling family law issues. I have started here with questions of parentage–who are the parents of a child. It’s not as simple as it seems. But it is a terribly important one. By building slowly, case by case, story by story, I hope to slowly develop a rich and layered understanding of what it means to be a parent, one that perhaps, some day, the law can learn from.
The Decoupling Blog offers seven different types of blog posts:
Ask A Lawyer – Succinct answers to a variety of questions that visitors ask, such as: what the difference is between a legal separation and a divorce, how you can get a child support deduction for other children whom you support, and whether a 12-year-old gets to decide where he wants to live (he doesn’t).
Features – Posts on various aspects of the decoupling process, including Survival Tips .
News - Topical issues from around the state and around the world.
Resources – These generally explain why you need a particular form, what it asks for, and where to find it. There are literally dozens of different forms needed for divorce, child support modifications, etc.
Humor – These are funny family law stories from all over the world, such as the guy in Cambodia who literally sawed his house in half during his divorce.
Best In Blawg – These articles highlight a particularly good article from another blawg (legal blog) somewhere else in the country.
Pop Quiz – A real family law case from the Washington Supreme Court or Court of Appeals, with a few facts, and a multiple choice on four ways the court could have ruled. See how well you can sort out how the Court thinks.
Our goal is to update Decoupling on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.
You already give your friends birthday gifts, baby gifts, and wedding gifts.
Why not give divorce gifts, too? It’s likely, after all, that your divorcing friend will have roughly half the stuff that she or he used to have. Not to mention, she or he may need a little humor / venting / revenge fantasy to pass the time.
Speaking of revenge fantasies, check out the “Ex Kitchen Knife Set” from Amazon (available in several colors):
For those on a budget, there are a number of divorce t-shirts with varying levels of taste. We, of course, favor this one.
Another low-cost choice for those looking to unload some heavier baggage is this wonderfully concise tote bag from CafePress.com:
DISCLAIMER: We don’t endorse the quality of any of these products. We just think they’re funny.
This King County form is actually an amalgamation of two forms: The Case Assignment Area Form and the Case Information Cover Sheet (CICS). This double-form is used for all King County Superior Court lawsuits.
WHY YOU NEED IT
The Case Assignment Area Form lets the court know whether you are filing the case at the downtown Seattle courthouse or at the Regional Justice Center in Kent.
The CICS tells the court what kind of case you are filing. The two relevant options here are Dissolution with children and Dissolution without children.
WHERE YOU GET IT
This and other King County Superior Court general forms can be found here.
