Glee Adoption Story Line Sparks Controversy

The hit television show Glee has been lauded for its tolerance and diversity, as well as its soundtrack, since it first came on the air in 2009.  The show has tackled a host of story lines that have been both controversial and groundbreaking for a prime-time television about high school students, including homosexuality, teen pregnancy, developmental disability, obsessive compulsive disorder, and adoption.  Glee’s portrayal of that last topic has of late irked some watchers, in particular Amber Austin who recently started an online petition which urges Fox to set the record straight about the realities of adoption.

For those of you who don’t know the difference between a gleek and a regular old geek, here’s a short synopsis:  In the first season of Glee, we met Quinn, a beautiful, popular, and secretly pregnant, cheerleader who, to chagrin of her cheer leading coach, joined the glee club.  Eventually, Quinn makes the decision to place her child with an adoptive parent.  And, after giving birth, the baby girl is adopted by another character on the show (who just happens to be the birth mother of yet another character on the show, Rachel, who was adopted by a gay couple, and grows up to be one of the glee club’s biggest voices).

Now, right around this point in the story is where I personally stopped watching Glee so my knowledge of the current story line is limited.  However, according to various news outlets, we can currently find Quinn battling the adoptive (and now legal) mother of her birth daughter in an attempt to “get her daughter back.”  And, this is where Ms. Austin comes in.  According to her petition, the show is perptuating one of the most “most pervasive and harmful myths about adoption” – namely, that the birth mother of a child can simply pop back up in the child’s life at her whim.  I tend to agree.

As Ms. Austin correctly points out, in a legitimate adoption, a birth parent has a limited period of time in which to change their mind about an adoption.  In the State of Washington, for example, a birth parent can only ask to rescind their consent to adoption at two points: (1) before the court formally approves the consent; or (2) within 48 hours of the court’s approval of the consent.

After that time has passed, the birth parent cannot ask the court to rescind the consent to adoption (or the adoption itself, once finalized) unless she can prove that her consent was obtained by fraud or under duress – both of which are very difficult to prove.

Ms. Austin also points out that many adoptions today are “open”, meaning that the birth parent or parents continue to be a part of the child’s life in some, limited capacity.  The type of involvement a birth parent can have varies, but it may be limited to having a right to receive periodic updates about and pictures of the child from the legal parents, or it may allow the parent to have some visits with the child.

Of course the realities of adoption are unique to each family, but Ms. Austin is right – it’s important that adopted children, adoptive parents, and birth parents are portrayed not only with sensitivity but also with accuracy – even when that reality is bittersweet, as it appears to be for Seattle writer Dan Savage’s family.  Check out his moving and honest account of his own family’s experiences with open adoption in a 2005 New York Times column here.

Story via Time Magazine

Legislators in Mexico City have come up with a unique solution to help citizens avoid the “torturous process of divorce” (as one assemblyman put it): marriage licenses that could expire in a minimum of two years, depending on the preferences of the bride and groom.  This would, according to the drafters of the legislation, allow couples to simply decline to renew their marriage contract if the connubial bliss has faded.

While a limited-term marriage license might help some couples avoid divorce litigation, it seems unlikely that the process of breaking up would be any simpler for couples with children or assets/debts that need to be divided – especially given the fact that in many divorces, ending the marriage is the only thing that warring couples agree on.

Story via ABC News.

Last month, the U.S. Census Bureau released Marital Events of Americans: 2009, which takes a look at marriage, divorce and widowhood in all 50 states.  According to the report, the average rate of divorce across the U.S. is 9.2 per 1000 men aged15 and over, and 9.7 per 1000 woman aged 15 and over.  The report reveals that Southern states have the highest rates of divorce for both men and women, while Northeastern states have the lowest.  New Jersey has the lowest rates of divorce in the nation for both men and woman, at 6.1% and 6% respectively.


The states with the highest rates of divorce?  For men, Oklahoma has the highest rate of divorce at 12.8%, followed closely by Alabama at 12.7%, and Alaska at 12.5%.  For women, Alaska boasts a whopping 16.2% divorce rate.  Oklahoma comes in second at 14.1%, followed by – you guessed it – Alabama at 13.9%.

So how did our state fare?  Slightly above average, with a 10% rate for men and a 10.6% rate for women.  Idaho’s divorce rates are relatively low, at 7.7% for men, and 9.7% for women.  Oregon’s rates aren’t much different than ours at 10.4% for men, and 11.4% for women.

Check out these charts for an overview of divorce rates for men and woman across the U.S.

Story via NJ.com.

A Colorado man was recently convicted on burglary and criminal mischief charges after subjecting his now-ex-wife to a campaign of harassment that included stuffing raw chicken into the air vents of her house, and pouring bleach on her piano.  Ronald Smith apparently began harassing his wife when she filed for divorce in 2009, and continued for at least a year.  Probably due to the fraternity prank-like nature of some of his acts, this story is being reported by some news outlets as “weird news” involving a “bitter” or “kooky” ex.

However, Smith’s bad deeds, in addition to destruction of property, include posting a note on his ex-wife’s back door which claimed that she was dead; peering into the windows of her home while she sleeping; and sending her text messages in which he threatened to ruin her life.  It’s safe to assume that for Smith’s ex-wife, her “bitter” ex-husband’s harassment was nothing less than terrifying.

According to one report, Smith faces up to 18 years in jail.  Here’s hoping that whatever his sentence is, his ex-wife will be able to begin living her life free from the threats and harassment that followed her decision to divorce.

Story via Huffington Post, New York Daily News, and WABC-TV.

 

Getting divorced is never easy, but for certain  soon-to-be-former-couples in Holland, it could be a bit more luxurious.  Entrepreneur Jim Halfens offers carefully selected Dutch couples the opportunity to book a 3 day stay at a luxury hotel, during which time the parties will meet with various professionals to try to work out a final resolution of their divorce.  According to at least one Dutch family law attorney, the $3,500 price tag for the “Divorce Hotel” is a bargain compared to the cost of a divorce.

Halfens says the goal of the service is to offer some couples a chance at a quick, amicable resolution of their divorce.  Only couples who are committed to a resolving their disputes without a protected legal battle qualify for a stay in the Divorce Hotel – and so far only seven couples have made reservations.

Story via PRI’s The World.

The Case of the Frigid Frenchman

A French man identified only as “Jean-Luis B.”, was recently ordered to pay his ex-wife 10,000.00 euros (nearly $14,000.00 US) for his failings as a husband.

The specifics of Jean Luis’s matrimonial deficiencies?  According to his ex-wife, a failure to… ahem… perform… for some 21 years of marriage.  Unimpressed with Jean-Luis’ claims of tiredness and health problems, a judge found that Jean-Luis had violated a provision of France’s civil code which requires married couples to agree to a “shared communal life”.  In awarding monetary damages to the ex-wife, the judge noted, “ By getting married, couples agree to sharing their life and this clearly implies they will have sex with each other.”

Clearly, the French take amore very seriously.

Story via The Telegraph.

Question

My wife and I are in the process of getting a divorce.  We have two little kids, and very different ideas about how much time they should spend with each of us.  My wife says that the children should live mostly with her, while I believe that the children should have equal time with both of us.  We recently had a hearing about a temporary schedule for the kids, and the commissioner ordered that our family should undergo a parenting evaluation.  I’m nervous about this, and don’t know what to expect.  What does a parenting evaluation typically entail?

Answer

The parenting evaluation is a very important resource for the court in parenting disputes.  The parenting evaluation allows the court to hear from a neutral third party, who has training or expertise in child development and/or family law, regarding the most appropriate final parenting plan for the children.

What to Expect.  During the investigation, the parenting evaluator has the opportunity to obtain information about the parents and children from a wide variety of sources.

For example, most parenting evaluators will interview the children as well as the parents.  This is a very important element of a parenting evaluation because in the vast majority of family law cases a judge will not to speak to or question the children.  The parenting evaluation may be the only source of neutral information regarding the children’s feelings and wishes available to the judge.

The evaluator may also visit each parent’s home, and interview other people who may have relevant information about the children and parents. These people may include professionals like teachers, doctors or mental health counselors; or other people who know the children and parents such as other family members, friends, and neighbors.  Depending on the evaluator’s qualifications, he or she may also conduct psychological tests of both parents, which can be useful in cases where one or both parents have been accused of having a mental impairment that may affect parenting.

All of the information obtained by the evaluator will be condensed into a written report that contains recommendations for a final parenting plan.  Usually, the evaluator will make recommendations about not only the residential schedule but also about whether one, or both parents need to undergo certain services to help them with parenting.  These services can be anything from a parenting class to individual counseling or drug and alcohol treatment.  The evaluator may also recommend counseling or other services for the children, especially if they are having difficulty adjusting  totheir parents’ separation.

Understandably, the parenting evaluation can be a source of significant anxiety for divorcing parents.  Cooperating with the evaluator, and keeping your focus on your children will help you ensure that the evaluator gains a clear and informed understanding of the dynamics of your family.

In the market for an expensive bauble to commemorate your recent legal decoupling?  You’re in luck.  For the low price of $3,200.00, you can be the proud bearer of an 18k gold “divorce ring.”  The ring features four diamonds, subtly arranged to resemble a stake, and set in the middle of a broken, 14k gold heart.

The perfect way to remember your bitter split forever. 

Via The Stir.

A jilted groom in Malaysia is suing the woman he was to marry for calling off their engagement just six hours before the wedding.  The groom, 31 year old Masran Abdul Rahman, says that he and his family were humiliated and distressed by his betrothed’s decision to cancel the nuptials, and were forced to call off a reception to which over 1000 guests had been invited.  The proper compensation for said humiliation, according to Rahman? $360,000.00.

This “odd news” item got us wondering – could a jilted fiance in this state bring such a law suit?  Interestingly, the answer – to some extent – appears to be yes.

In a 1977  “breach of promise to marry” case, the Washington Supreme Court declined to abolish a cause of action for damages allegedly caused by a broken engagement. In that case, L.L. Stanard, a single mother of two, was engaged to marry Raymond Bolin. During their relationship and engagement, Raymond assured L.L. “that he was worth in excess of $ 2 million, was planning to retire in 2 years, and that the two of them would then travel.  [Raymond] also promised [L.L.] that she would never have to work again and that he would see to the support of her two teen-age boys. He also promised to see that [L.L.'s] mother would never be in need.”

Wedding plans were made; dresses were purchased, a church and reception hall were reserved. L.L. sold her house because she and Raymond had signed a purchase agreement for another residence.  However, about one month before the wedding was to occur, Raymond called off the engagement. L.L. sued Raymond for breaching his promise to marry her. She asked for compensation for “pain, impairment to health, humiliation, and embarrassment” as well as for “loss of expected financial security” – namely, the wealth and status that she expected to attain by becoming Raymond’s wife.

The doctrine of “breach of promise to marry” originated in 17th century English common law.  At that time, marriage was essentially a property transaction between two families.  The Supreme Court noted that the doctrine has been subject to much criticism by legal scholars who contend that the doctrine is inappropriate in modern times where “most persons marry for reasons of mutual love and affection.”  However, the court declined to wholly abolish the doctrine, and said:

When two persons agree to marry, they should realize that certain actions will be taken during the engagement period in reliance on the mutual promises to marry. Rings will be purchased, wedding dresses and other formal attire will be ordered or reserved, and honeymoon plans with their attendant expenses will be made. Wedding plans, such as the rental of a church, the engagement of a minister, the printing of wedding invitations, and so on, will commence. It is also likely that the parties will make plans for their future residence, such as purchasing a house, buying furniture, and the like. Further, at the time the parties decide to marry, they should realize that their plans and visions of future happiness will be communicated to friends and relatives and that wedding gifts soon will be arriving. When the plans to marry are abruptly ended, it is certainly foreseeable that the party who was unaware that the future marriage would not take place will have expended some sums of money and will suffer some forms of mental anguish, loss to reputation, and injury to health. We do not feel these injuries should go unanswered merely because the breach-of-promise-to-marry action may be subject to abuses; rather, an attempt should be made to eradicate the abuses from the action.

Stanard v. Bolin, 88 Wn.2d 614 at 619.

The court, however, acknowledged that “marriages today generally are not considered property transactions, but are… ‘the result of that complex experience called being in love.’”  Thus, the court ruled that a jilted fiance may no longer pursue damages for loss of expected financial and social position.

Since the Supreme Court issued its opinion in Stanard, it appears that only one other such case has reached the appellate courts.  That case, a 2006 appeal of a trial court’s dismissal of a man’s breach of promise to marry action, was unpublished (meaning that the case cannot be cited as legal precedent), and did not discuss the doctrine in any detail.  The lack of modern case law leads us to believe that, while it is possible to sue an ex-fiance, most people choose to mend their broken hearts without going to court.

Malaysian “runaway bride” story via The Guardian.

Henry Silverman is not your average mega-millionaire.  In addition to being a fabulously wealthy and prominent New York financier, he is also – at least according to three psychologists hired by his legal team – an innate genius.  Unfortunately, it looks like that is not going to prevent his soon-to-be-ex-wife from walking away with some portion of his massive wealth.

Nearly every major media outlet in New York is reporting on Silverman’s acrimonious divorce from his wife of 30 years, and his failed legal maneuver.   The story: Silverman recently filed a motion in which he asked a judge to  hear testimony from three psychologists, all of whom were expected to inform the court that Silverman is an innate genius with very unique business and financial talents.  Why?  To prevent his wife from getting a share of the riches that he accumulated during their 30 years of marriage.

You see, New York is not a community property state; instead New York divorce courts are guided by the law equitable distribution.  That law requires the court to look at each party’s contribution to the marriage when dividing assets between divorcing spouses.  It seems that Silverman’s “innate genius” evidence was intended to prove that his wife did not, and in fact could not, contribute to Silverman’s good fortunes.  This could have spared Silverman the pain of parting with some portion of his $450 million in assets.

Unfortunately for Silverman (and the much younger yoga instructor to whom he is currently betrothed), New York State Supreme Court Judge Laura Drager didn’t buy it.  Looks like Silverman is going to have to apply that genius to find a better argument.

Via the New York Times, New York Post, and Gotham Gazette.

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